Tuesday, September 29, 2015

The Journey of Grief

As I walk through this journey called grief there are days that bring me to tears, days of anger, days of depression and days of joy at the thrill of memories so precious.

I wake hopeful each morning, but someone told me that the loss of so many so quickly would throw me into intense grief.  I did not believe that one could experience such depth.  I have dealt with multitudes of losses.  I thought I had this covered and life would go on just like it always has done.

Well alas, I stuffed it and moved on.  Little did I know that it would come back to get me harder than it did when I experienced the loss.   I was told there would be joy, memories, depression (oh my), anxiety(oh my) anger(yes) and acceptance.  All of these will come in waves and there will be triggers that set each of these off and the best way is to just pass through it.  Experience each emotion each day and then pass through it.  God will make a way.

There are days I want each and every one back.  There are days I can't go down to the barn as it is a reminder of what life was like with each of the horses in the barn.  There are days I feel the quiet and silence of missing our dog and cat.  There are human losses during this time that I have been thinking about.  How do you cope?  What do you do?  I was told to take some time each day and pass through each emotion.   I sat down and wrote a couple of tributes to two of our amazing horses.  I truly miss them so much.

The pasture is green and there are leaves blowing in the breeze.  It is a warm day for fall.  I prepared my heart for a sad ending to this beautiful day.  We were to say goodbye to two beautiful horses and our old dog.

Lessons learned, life would never be the same without these two beautiful horses in our lives.

 Sonny  You were the copper that shined in the sun.  You were the one who carried the weight when others couldn’t bear the weight.  You were the one who gave us strength when our strength ran out.  You were the one that showed the dangers of ice, snow, thunder, lightning and rain. You were the one that taught us children are all the same and it is how you respond.  You taught us about spirituality, stubbornness, relationships, love, compassion, leadership, determination, fighting  for the love of your life, protecting your herd mates, role modeling for new horses, peacefulness, working hard with pain, giving up leadership for the sake of your loving partner, being willing to move different places as you wanted to be with your owner, showing unconditional love with everyone.  You were the rock and stability that held things together.  You were the one people could go to when life was a struggle.  You had a God given talent to understand and respond to people’s needs.   There will never be another horse like you and I thank God for giving us 16 years with you.  
Sonny

Bo

Bo- You were the most beautiful black horse with flowing mane and tail.  You often had you tail trimmed as it got so long. g You came to us with lack of luster for life, but that would soon change as we showed you love and compassion.  You carried the children so well.  You were so calm and peaceful.  Nothing much bothered you.  You had so many sensitive feelings.  You and Sonny were wonderful together and you loved to play with Blue.  You were beautiful as you played in the pasture together. You were so happy.  The lives that you touched and changed were countless.  You were so depressed when Blue passed but little did we know that it was going to be your time soon.  Bo you taught so many children that even though life throws you a curve ball with lots of love and affection you could overcome most anything.  We will miss you and thank you God for giving us this gentle loving beautiful horse. 

God will make a way and life will continue with many blessings and memories..


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Inspire to Aspire

Inspire to Aspire!  What does that mean?  It has multitudes of meanings to so many different people.  I have been told I have a story telling gift.  I should write a book.  I should call it Inspire to Aspire.

As I have traveled this journey of life, there have been encounters of hurt, storms, challenges, love, inspiration, support, gratitude, blessings, miracles, magic, angels, and places where I am in awe of the beauty that is around me.  God has been my inspiration in life.  His guidance has brought me through the amazing journeys.

I believe that every child should be inspired to Aspire!  Someone in their life should inspire them to grow and develop into loving, healthy adults.

As I look back at the life I have inspired so many times but something got in the way of my inspirations.  I might of hurt someone's feelings and way to many times, I may have said some things that chased some people out of my life and for that I am sorry.  What I am not sorry for is to stand up for what I believe is right and safe and I say that because not everyone believes what I believe.  I have a strong faith but on the other side I have tremendous anxiety.  I fight those demons everyday.  I have fought panic attacks and anxiety that brings me to my knees.  I am a people pleaser, fixer and overly responsible person.  That makes it hard some days to generate energy to fill your cup.

I have hidden so many of those demons from others.  I find myself in a pit some days.  As I continue on this journey called life I want to be an inspiration to everyone yet it is not possible to inspire everyone that crosses your path.  Everyone's journey is different and everyone's demons are different. I can only do my best and some days that is hard.  Jesus died for our sins and I know that each day I wake up and ask for my sins to be forgiven that will be honored.  Not by any human being because they have choices, but I know Jesus will forgive.

I have chosen this career because I wanted to inspire children and adults that struggle in their life a chance to Aspire for more.  They don't have to struggle, they can be an inspiration to others at least for a moment in time.  I want to give my heart and soul to God to assist me to inspire others.  I fall short so many days, especially when the anxiety is high.  I love people, animals and especially children.  I love people that have to deal with life's storms.  I know those storms can be a place where our coping mechanism's just disappear.  In nature we can breath and relax and enjoy the beauty. Animals give us the ability to overcome fears and breath and enjoy their presence.  Combine nature, animals, and children and we can inspire to aspire.

ASPIRE is truly a gift from God!  I am so blessed to have touched so many lives!  I am living my dream and for that I am blessed and grateful for the chance to be on this journey even in the midst of storms.